Nice to meet you, Nightcrawler
by PennyJay
Summary: Elisabeth hates X-Men. She doesn't care about it in the least. So what happens when her younger brother accidentally pulls Nightcrawler right into their kitchen? Try explaining that one to Mom and Dad.
1. Chapter 1

I sat on my purple beanbag chair, curled up into a tight little ball. I was glaring at my math homework, cursing the bastard who invented the fraction. Sighing, I closed the book. Why bother? I would only fall asleep on what I had completed and drool all over it. Then I would have to redo it. I headed downstairs and into the kitchen. Potato chips would keep me awake so I could complete the last few problems. Sure the paper would have grease smears on it, but at least it would be done.

I wandered into our large kitchen, where my brother, Franz, was sitting at the table, his eyes glued to the screen of his laptop. I snuck behind him slowly. I had never seen him so interested in something; perhaps it was porn? No, it was X2. That was worth all of his attention the day before a big science test. God, what was it with those stupid X-Men movies? The characters weren't even that interesting! Who cares about some angry critter with butter knives on his fingers with a facial hair problem? I slammed on the pause button and smacked him upside the head.

"Ow!" He yelled, rubbing the back of his head.

"You dope, you need to study for your friggin' test!"

"What are you talking about? This is very scientific stuff." He snapped, still rubbing his head. He stopped suddenly and turned to glare at me. I leaned forward, and found myself staring at a blue man with a tail.

"Oh yes. Very scientific. I can see the connection to tectonic plates. You have reformed me. Thank you very much, you royal butt-wart." I grabbed the chips and a soda.  
"If you fail the test, I stick a box of frozen fish sticks up your butt." I announced as I studied nutrition information on the bag. Ouch. Shouldn't have done that. Franz grumbled something about selling me to one of his dorky friends as a slave. I ruffled his dark hair as I walked by; he chucked a pencil at me.

I headed back up to my room and flipped on my CD player. Rammstein blasted at me. I knew the lyrics by heart. I kicked my useless dog out of the room before she could get on my bed and drool on my pillow. I slipped back into the beanbag chair, yanking open my math book. As soon as I picked up my pencil, I heard Franz scream downstairs.

My sister instinct kicked in; I leaped up and ran downstairs. I almost broke my neck down the stairs, leaping down them three at a time. I skidded towards the kitchen and almost rammed into Franz. He was standing in the doorway, pale and mumbling something.

"What the hell? What the hell is going on down here? What happened?"

"I-I just hit the keyboard, it wouldn't play, I hit the keys, I don't know what happened…"

"Get out of my way, you bumbling idiot!" I shoved him out of the way and stepped into the kitchen. I found myself face to face with a blue creature with black hair and a tail.

"Hello." He said cheerfully, a German accent evident. "May I ask where I am? The young man over there just screamed."

"Um… now who the heck are you?"

"Oh, my name is Kurt Wagner. They also call me Nightcrawler." He stood up and smiled cheerfully, holding out his hand to me. "How do you do?"

I stared at him for a moment, then I closed my eyes slowly. Only on a Monday.


	2. Uhoh

I stared at the blue demon creature in the middle of my kitchen. Franz had no idea what had happened, he told me that himself. One minute the movie wouldn't un-pause, the next minute he was banging on the keyboard, the next minute we had the Terminator of smurfs in our kitchen. Thankfully he seemed relatively easy to please. He was utterly fascinated with the Bible in the living room. As soon as he got even slightly restless, Franz gave him some Cheerios, which he was munching on happily. His tail was swinging back and forth. Mr. Flatface, our cat, was currently trying to attack it. Kurt didn't seem to notice. Indeed, he had already sent the cat flying into the microwave twice and once into the oven.

As the seconds passed and Kurt kept eating, not leaving, I grew increasingly anxious. Franz seemed ready to pee himself, but not out of fear. He was in awe of Nightcrawler; he was staring at our blue guest as though he were Jesus. This annoyed me more then anything else; he should be just as nervous as I was, damnit! I whapped him upside the head again. This was his fault; he had to fix it! After cursing and rubbing his head for another ten minutes, the nitwit had the nerve to ask what I was ticked off about.

"You idiot! Do you see this? Huh? The blue man, the cannibalistic smurf, the jolly not so green giant?" A pause.

"Yeah, so?"

"So? So!!?? Exactly how are we going to get him back to where he came from?"

"I don't know. We'll figure something out eventually. But he'll have to stay in your room until we do; mine is way to small." If I hadn't taken my happy pills that morning I would have killed him.

"He can't sleep in my room! I'm a girl and he's…. well, whatever he is he is definitely a he!"

"He's a mutant." Franz began explaining to me with the patience of a kindergarten teacher. I didn't care if he was the love child of Brad Pitt and one of the Blues Brothers; he wouldn't be in my room.

" I don't want him here! Mom and Dad will kill you, me, us! Mainly me!"

"No they won't!" Franz announced confidently. "They'll understand." At that moment, we heard the familiar sound of a car pulling into the driveway. Mum and Dad home from their day out shopping. With an evil grin I pulled out my wallet.

"You want to bet on that one, little Bro?


	3. Watch Your Tail, Buddy!

"C'mon, Elisabeth!" Franz begged, "You've got to help me!"

I sighed. I hated to see an animal suffer.

"Alright you idiot, just shut up and don't act so jittery!"

Kurt had barely noticed anything. I grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him into the cupboard under the sink.

"Excuse me, but dis is hurting me a little." Kurt announced gently as I kept trying to slam the door shut failing miserably. "Well then just hold still and don't move!" I snapped angrily as the front door opened gently. I leaped in front of the partly opened door just as my parents stepped into the kitchen.

"Elisabeth, Franz! How was your day?" My mother asked happily as she set her keys and purse on the table.

"Good." I said, trying to sound normal as possible. This was difficult as I had just noticed Nightcrawler's long blue tail snaking it's way out from behind my legs. Mum didn't notice, but I'm quite sure that Dad would when he stepped it. I kicked back against the door. Kurt yelped and his tail zoomed back into his hiding spot. Mother looked over at me in alarm, but in a desperate attempt to cover it up Franz pretended to trip.

"Ow, my leg!" he howled. Mum hurried over to assist him, and I took that opportunity to drag Kurt up the stairs and into my room. I flung him in and locked the door, then ran back downstairs. It seemed as though as soon as I was gone Franz had been trying to convince Mum that he was fine. She was having none of that.

"Young man, I heard that yelp! You hurt yourself, I can tell!"

"No no no, I'm fine, Mum! Really!"

"No you are not young man!" With that, she dragged him back into the living room to lay down.

I raced back upstairs before Dad could come in from the car; he was probably carrying in some giant, expensive piece of junk that only Mum would want to buy. I unlocked the door to my room and through it open, expecting to see Kurt on my bed reading a book or something. I didn't. Just before I started to panic, I heard his voice behind me.

"Is Mr. Franz okay? I heard he took quite a fall."

I jumped a thousand feet into the air.

"Where the hell did you come from? I locked you in here!"

"Teleportation." He mumbled softly as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well you might have told me that before I went through all that trouble." I snapped. He looked at me innocently.

"It slipped my mind."

I didn't say anything. I just turned and walked into my room, with Kurt von Dimstein on my heels. It would be a very long week.


	4. Kurt the Oblivious

"Enter your happy place…. Haaaappppyyy pppplllllaaaacccceeeee……"

No such luck. The snoring next to my beanbag chair was keeping me from doing anything. Kurt had fallen asleep. I had been reading a book, but I found it increasingly difficult for me to concentrate. Sighing, I glanced around me. Damn. That twerp was asleep on my bookmark. I growled to myself, and then stuck his tail in my book to save my place. Then, to ensure it didn't move, I wrapped a rubber band around it. That would hold it.

Suddenly, the clock stuck six. Dinnertime. Dad would be out in the garage tinkering with something for another half hour, which meant that Franz and I would be free to eat wherever we wanted to. I would have to grab something for the smurf on steroids as well. Maybe some dog food or some children that were out and about at this time without permission.

I scurried downstairs, anxious to get back upstairs before Kurt woke up. I have no clue what he would do if he found the Barbie collection under the bed. Maybe I should leave him in Franz's room. He's probably have more fun with the hidden porn collection. Besides, from the looks of things when I got downstairs, Franz's room would be empty for a while. Mother had him all but tied up on the couch with three ice packs tied to his leg. There was also an icepack tied to his head for good measure. He was having some difficulty eating his dinner wrapped up like a mummy, but I thought it was funny.

I wandered into the kitchen, grabbed a plate, and began loading it with as much food as I could. After all, I don't know how much demons eat. They're used to eating sacrificial goats and all, but do they get individual goats, or do they all have to share? Either way, I figure he can make do with whatever I get him. Or else I'll be forced to beat him with a drumstick. My mother watched me loading my plate curiously.

"Well well well, aren't we hungry tonight?"

"Yup."

"Remember dear, too much food isn't good for you're shape."

"Round is a shape."

"I meant the shape of a female."

"I don't remember that shape in geometry."

"You should remember it from health class."

"I slept through everything but the reproductive system."

At that moment, I noticed a figure lurking by the doorway. Kurt. Oh, damn. Mother must have noticed me look, because she began turning to see what I was looking at. Luckily, Franz wasn't a total dimbubble.

"MOM! I need an ice pack for my other knee!"

As Mum turned to get the ice pack, I grabbed one of the eggs out of the carton and chucked it at Kurt's head. Unfortunately, I hit him in the eyes. Eyes squinted shut, mouth open, and making some strange noise, he began staggering in circle with his arms out. The book on his tail made a loud thumping noise as it hit the wall. I bolted to the door, grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him upstairs. As an extra measure, right before we got into the room I gave him a good kick in the rump.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Vat vas dat for?"

"For being an idiot! Never ever ever ever ever ever ever leave this room ever again!! Now here, have some!" I thrust that plate at him, than walked over to retrieve my bookmark. I turned back to look at him, and I was greeting with a smiling Kurt and an empty plate.

"Dat vas excellent. Now, vat iz for de main course?" Kurt later told me that the bruise I left on his head lasted for almost a full week.


	5. Sleep What a Nightmare

It had been a long day. After I had blindfolded Kurt and glued a Twinkie to his tail to keep him busy, I changed into my nightgown, brushed my teeth, . Only after Kurt started crying did I give him the Twinkie and take the blindfold off. I should have left it on, because he rather quickly found my stash of candy bars. I had hoped that he would leave the toffee ones alone, but he didn't. For the next ten minutes all I heard was him trying to get the toffee out of his teeth After I grabbed him a spare toothbrush and forced him to brush his teeth, I tried to get him to sleep. Unsuccessfully. I shut out the light, lay down, closed my eyes, and…

"Elisabeth… vhy iz it called a toothbrush?" A voice from the darkness whispered.

"Because it was made in Vermont."

"How do you know?"

"Because if it were made anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. Now shut up before I break your face with your own tail."

"Dat's not very nice."

"Neither is keeping someone awake you toxic blueberry! Now shut up before I make a pie out of you."

Everything was silent for a moment. I shut my eyes and…. wait for it…. Sleep was calling me….

_SNORE._

Oh, you have got to be kidding me.

_SNORE_

No, you're not kidding me. Damn.

_SNOOOOOOORE_

I sat up and looked at the unconscious form of Nightcrawler. I tossed a stuffed animal at him. He rolled over, grabbed it, and snuggled with up. I though I heard him mumble something along the lines of "Fluffy, vhere have you been?", but I wasn't sure.

Morning usually sneaks up on me. I am laying there, and it is dark. The next second, it is light. I wish nights lasted longer. But not today. Noooo…….Today I lay there, listening to Kurt's Incredible Tongue Tunnel Opera. The sun rose ever so slowly, moving slower then me after a large dinner. I sat in my bed, waiting until 7 a.m. Then, His Royal Highness of Nasal Annoyance, Kurt, rolled over, stretched, yawned, and woke up.

"Ah… vhat a beautiful morning. How did you sleep, Frauline Elisabeth?"

I glared at him.

"Did you have sveet dreams?"

I still glared at him.

"Vow. Zomebody iz a real grouchy-pants in de morning."

So that's when I tackled him.


	6. Circus Freak

It was a good thing that both my parents went to work early. As much as Kurt annoyed me, I still didn't want him locked in my room all day. I mean, I felt bad for him. For a demonic smurf on steroids, he was kind of cute. After I dressed and had everything ready for school, I brought him downstairs for breakfast. I cooked him eggs, French Toast, and pancakes. Franz, from the look of it, would be staying home from school. Lucky turdmuffin.

While Kurt was eating. I went to talk to Franz. He should know about everything. After all, he would be baby-sitter in chief while I was gone. Franz had already been fed, probably by Mom. Because she thought that he was hurt, she probably made him a nice breakfast.

"Now Franz" I started, trying to be nice, "I expect you to show Kurt around, to make sure he doesn't get into any trouble, and maybe take him outside. We have five acres surrounding us. I think you can keep him hidden. The leash is under the sink."

"I'm not going to put my hero on a leash!" He cried indignantly.

"The leash is for you, idiot. And I need money."

"What for?"

"To feed your buddy over there. He's awful hungry. Now don't forget to keep him busy! Maybe if you keep him busy he won't eat everything. I think he's a little loopy from the trip over, but he's smart. So don't let him out of your sight!"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" He handed me his wallet. "You don't have to be so nervous. Everything will be fine." This from the boy who managed to pull a mutant from a movie into our kitchen by hitting a keyboard. I was not encouraged.

My high school is awesome. For that reason, and that reason alone, I managed to forget about Nightcrawler for the most part. I mean, I got little reminders. Like during lunch when we had blueberries. Ugh. But I survived, and I managed to get to the market after school without any of my classmates. They're very nosy, and they know that my mom shops every Monday. It was Tuesday, and the fridge should still be full.

I had no clue what Kurt should eat. Does a smurf need a well-balanced diet? Despite my inexperience, Kurt seemed to enjoy what I got him. He seemed to especially like blueberries. Huh. Either way, he seemed a little less dorky when I got home. He had definitely mellowed out. I think it was because he had plenty of time out of my room. Mum wouldn't be home until around 6pm, and Dad was a CEO, so he was always home late.

I watched Kurt juggling oranges in the kitchen for a good ten minutes after I got home. He was pretty good.

"I learned in de circus." He announced proudly. "In Germany. I vas also an acrobat." With that, he tossed the oranges away and leapt up and backwards, landing on his feet. On the ceiling. I almost peed my pants. Then he dropped down, wrapped his arms around me, and the next thing I knew I was on the roof.

"Can you go anywhere?" I asked, stunned and a little exhausted.

"Nein. Distance is a problem. So is too much veight being carried. And the people I carry, they get pretty tired, too. Teleporting is tiring, you know." That's probably why he was so ditzy before. After all, from wherever he was in the movie to where we are is quite a distance.

Now I could see what Franz was so excited about it. This would be fun.

Thanks for all the reviews! I didn't really expect anyone to read it, so I'm really glad people are enjoying it. Constructive critisism and ideas are always welcome, so feel free to comment. But please, don't be a jerk. Thanks a lot!


	7. Take a Hike!

Wednesday was expected to be a normal day. After all, Monday and Tuesday had both passed without a hitch. Of course, Kurt almost got his tail stuck in the meat slicer, but that's another story. But aside from that, Kurt had gone back to what Franz assured me was his perfectly normal self, and his appetite seemed to shrink to human proportions.

Yet my life was still up in the air. I had a man sleeping in my room, and I'm pretty sure my parents were able to hear the snoring. Thankfully, they probably just thought I was a freak or something. I still had to feed an extra person without anyone knowing, and Franz, who was still stuck on the couch, had discovered that not only could I cook, I could bake. His way to torture me was to tell Mom to make me bake something; cookies, cakes, pies, etc. Luckily I got back at him. I had Kurt use his tail to put laxatives in his cereal. Now that was entertainment.

But back to the story. Wednesday, as I mentioned, is sort of a day that isn't. Before Wednesday, it's the beginning of the week. After Wednesday, it's the end of the week. Wednesday is just there to everyone. Except for Kurt, the Blueberry Muffin Man. He likes Wednesday. That Wednesday we had no school. Kurt, wanting to explore the five acres surrounding our house, insisted that we go for a hike. Franz wanted to stay home, so he locked himself if his room and posted horror movie spoof movies on YouTube. That left me with the German Loch Ness Monster for a few hours of hiking. Couldn't be that bad right? Right? Wrong.

"KURT!!! Stop teleporting ahead of me!" I yelled to him as I tripped over another tree branch in my way. He could get out of the tough spots, but I couldn't. If I was stuck in the middle of the sticks, so was he.

"Fine, fine, I'm zorry. You know dat I am not uzed to dis." He said appearing next to me out of the blue.

"No kidding. A hike does not mean appearing in the places easy to walk, and avoiding the places that aren't."

"It'z more fun dat vay. Here, let me show you." With that, he grabbed my shoulders and we zoomed out of the nasty parts and appeared in a much nicer area. An area that I could actually move around in. Yes, he was right. This was much nicer. Kurt walked next to me and babbled on and on about his life when he wasn't around us.

"I love pirates." He announced cheerfully after a few moments. "They are fantastic! All the swashbuckling, the excitement! It is vonderful!"

"And I suppose you consider yourself a pirate, of sorts?" Kurt smiled his pointed grin. "Ja. I often compare myself to Errol Flynn." I wondered what he would think if I told him what I often compared him to. He probably wouldn't like it too much.

"Well, we have plenty of pirate movies in the house. You could watch some of… Kurt? KURT?" I yelled. That twit had vanished again.

"KURT?" I yelled again, starting to get worried. Before I could enter into panic mode, Kurt the Smurf dropped out of the sky and landed in front of me, on his tail. Kurt began laughing hysterically, prompting me to stand up and chase after him. Not too fun, considering he had an obvious advantage.

The hike in itself had been okay, I'll admit that. But I could tell it was getting late, and we needed to get home before one of my parents showed up. Kurt graciously agreed to bring us both back to the house, and within a second, we were both back in my front yard. Sadly, so was my dad.


End file.
